it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
