I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
