hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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