No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
