Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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