No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
