Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
