i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
