there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You have to summon your inner elephant
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
