i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
