I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I smell like Dick and happiness
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
