i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
