Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
