I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize