Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
