I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Let's get the cat blown out
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
