WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
