Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
