I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
