I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
