apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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