While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
