i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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