Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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