I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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