i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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