How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
