so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
