Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
