Girls should come with a carfax report
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
