You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
