I don't usually arrange sex via text message
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
