I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
