Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
