My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize