Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
