dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
