What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
