All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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