my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
