its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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