They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize