I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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