Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
