Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I cannot find my penis.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
