Yo dont text me then not text me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We need to get me chipped asap
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
