dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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