i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
