cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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