he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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