I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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